DAY 27: Crying In The Club

Okay, not the club, but Club de Swanson, aka my small apartment.

A few months back, you could have found me crying hysterically on my frumpy blue coach, after diligently working my face off on yet another 12 hour day at my company, Powerhouse Pageantry.

#Cuuuute

#NotReally

We had just gotten through “Pageant Season” aka the months of April-June, and I was tired. Really tired. So tired I hadn’t cooked, cleaned, or done laundry in weeks, it seemed.

So tired that the phrase “burned out” didn’t even seem to come close to the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing inside.

I thought to myself: “Was this just PMS? Was it something I ate? Did I just cut onions?”

I wish, but no.

The answer was, I was burning the candle at both ends, and desperately needed a vacation.

“But I don’t have TIME for a vacation!” My mind screamed at me.

“I need to reach x goal by y month so that I can pay ‘z’ person ‘q’ salary and take care of their family better! This is ALL on me! I can’t let people down!”

I continued.

“We just had the highest month of revenue in our company, and now we’ve made like $0.00 THIS month and it’s all my fault. I’m a bad boss. A bad sister. A bad leader. And I just don’t feel like I even have it in me to GIVE anything right now!”

Emotions tossed and crashed like tidal waves inside my mind.

Can someone please tell these tears to stop? I said to myself.

I’m fine. I must be fine. I have to be fine, I don’t have TIME to NOT be fine! I complained.

Have you been there?

Feeling hopeless as a child whose ice cream bar just fell off its stick after chasing down the Ding-Ding man… I looked over for reassurance.

My amazing boyfriend, calm as a cucumber, smiled sweetly and put his arm around me.

“Baby, let’s take this one step at a time.”

Begrudgingly (but thankfully), I obliged.

Next, he asked me five questions that, admittedly, I ask all of my life coaching clients.

Feeling pathetic and also knowing that it was exactly what I needed, I allowed him to coach me in my woes.

Way too embarrassingly fast, a flood of clarity from Holy Spirit started flooding through my body like a healing orb. My tears subsided, as if suddenly the storm of the Titanic entirely stopped just before it hit the iceberg.

In my mind, I “knew” I should be asking myself these questions instead of dwelling on the pain of the moment, but my crazy amygdala (the emotional part of our brains) wasn’t having it with me, myself, and I.

Landon to the rescue.

Is this why we have sole-mates? I asked myself.

So what’s my point? This is why we NEED each other.

God called us to live in community, unity, and said that it’s not His intention for us to be alone. (Genesis 2:18) (Psalm 133:1)

But so often, we isolate ourselves to spend time with only the thoughts that are presently betraying us, condemning us, and hurting us at a more rapid pace than what’s been spoken to us by even our worst enemy.

Instead of engaging in the comfort of Holy Spirit or a trusted confidant, we allow Satan – the accuser of the brethren, your adversary, and the author of lies – to dig us into a hole of uncertainty, depression, and disunity with the Father. (Rev 12:10, John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8)

We literally allow our OPPONENT of our body, soul, and spirit to torture us?

Ya… THAT makes sense.

So, because of this, this week we’ll be focusing on a scriptural viewpoint of mental health.

I wanted to bring attention to the very reality that even as Christians, yes, we freak out sometimes. And also, that there are both scriptural and practical ways of dealing with these moments. (2 Tim 1:7, Romans 12:1-2)

I want to affirm you that God will welcome you, yes you, with open, loving arms at any moment you want to turn to Him.

Sometimes, it just takes asking the right questions to break through.

When my boyfriend asked me these simple questions, it immediately broke down the tidal waves in my mind, and crashed the love of God into my heart instead.

As we dive into each question this week, I hope that each of these will arrest your heart as they did mine, showing you a new way that you can use the Sword of the Spirit, as well as simple, practical disciplines to help you live the abundant life God has for you. (John 10:10)

The Questions:

  1. What do you want?
  2. How can you take one step to get there?
  3. What’s God say about this?
  4. How can you make more room for what makes you happy?
  5. What do you need to say no to?

See you tomorrow!

Megan